The Masculine Mystique Blamed Right

[howlingmonkey]

"Tammy"? It seems to me you're constructing an awfully elaborate straw stereotype there.

Perhaps it may add some perspective to step back and imagine how it would sound if you did the same thing for, say, "welfare queen" instead of "trophy wife." How would it add to the conversation if you inserted gratuitous descriptions of the minute details of how you preceive that stereotype, down to the hypothetical hairstyle, clothes, and no doubt typically black sounding name? I suspect it might come off to most readers here as offensive and racist.

(Btw, this is posted as a member participating in the discussion, not as a moderator.)

Yes, it would come off as offensive and racist to this particular reader, but then again I also find the current description offensive.  It also strikes me as being a manifestation of the male privilege to intensely scrutinize and judge women's looks.  I see little difference between doing it for the purposes of saying something about the P versus doing it for other reasons.  Either way our bodies are made into background objects for men to use, whether it is for the taking of their pleasure or the making of their points.  I am not comfortable with it.

[Inverarity]

They were both leaving the commencement ceremony at Harvard University together, without any family or anyone else around them. The woman had on a diamond the size of a gumball, stilettos, and a skimpy dress that showed no cleavage a ridiculous amount of leg (pornificated dresses for wives have less cleavage, since women are suppose to be modest* after marriage, but show more leg/ass, so that the dudebags still get plenty to objectify). She looked miserable (but that was probably because she was standing in the rain while holding a bunch of papers in one hand and an umbrella over him in the other, keeping him dry) and she had a distinct cowed/nervous manner, and was very deferential, as if she was walking on eggshells.

He was in an unremarkable plain suit, on a scooter, and acted completely indifferent to her. They said nothing to each other the entire time I saw them.

So yeah, the chances are 99.999999% that this was indeed the case of an ancient dudebag using his massive imbalance of power to turn a young women into his own uncomfortable and cold glamorous personal nurse-slave. I just didn't want to offend anyone by using a stereotype, although in this case it was pretty much justified.

Uh, 99.999999%? From your description, I'd have to say there's a greater than 0.000001% chance that she was his daughter or granddaughter. Or maybe a niece or some other relation, thoughtfully trying to keep an older relative dry.

To echo what everyone else is saying: you sure do make a lot of assumptions based on how she was dressed. You also seem to be trying to read their minds/attitudes based on expressions you saw on their faces for a few seconds while they were both trying to get out of the rain.

[wiggles]

I think you should probably add the privilege of being able to escape from responsibilities such as housework, paying bills, taking care of children -- so many men seem to think all they have to do is "help out occasionally" instead of taking a full share of the responsibility.
<p>
Oh, and the privilege that the woman will drop everything to attend to the man. I can't tell you how many times some guy has expected me to put down a book and pay attention to him (even when I didn't even know him!).

This young woman I work with recently told me about the time she was on the bus listening to her iPod and some guy walked up to her and pulled out one of her earpods so he could tell her all about himself.

[Dawn Coyote]

I think you should probably add the privilege of being able to escape from responsibilities such as housework, paying bills, taking care of children -- so many men seem to think all they have to do is "help out occasionally" instead of taking a full share of the responsibility.
<p>
Oh, and the privilege that the woman will drop everything to attend to the man. I can't tell you how many times some guy has expected me to put down a book and pay attention to him (even when I didn't even know him!).

This young woman I work with recently told me about the time she was on the bus listening to her iPod and some guy walked up to her and pulled out one of her earpods so he could tell her all about himself.

It's that same mentality that claims that women insisting on equal representation in government is sexist. Because how dare we move men over to make room for women?

[F*ck M*sculinity]

"Tammy"? It seems to me you're constructing an awfully elaborate straw stereotype there.

Perhaps it may add some perspective to step back and imagine how it would sound if you did the same thing for, say, "welfare queen" instead of "trophy wife." How would it add to the conversation if you inserted gratuitous descriptions of the minute details of how you perceive that stereotype, down to the hypothetical hairstyle, clothes, and no doubt typically black sounding name? I suspect it might come off to most readers here as offensive and racist.

You're right, and I apologize. The stereotype I described was gratuitous and offensive, and was essentially a description of the the mandatory dress code that all women are forced into under the Patriarchy [1] [3]. So any woman that happened to be standing next to an old guy would have led to me assuming that they were being taken advantage of by a Hugh Hefner clone, and that the guy next to them was that bad.

The "trophy wife" stereotype paints all Patriarchal dress-code-obeying women with the same objectifying brush whenever they stand next to an older man. This stereotype is regularly reinforced by the media, as when the UK Telegraph figured out that (surprise!) Fred Thompson's wife was actually human and not a 'Trophy':

xttp://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/1558858/Fred-Thompson%27s-%27trophy-wife%27-runs-the-show.html

or when the producers of The Bachelor used the same "trophy wife" motif to create their show.

(And I guess having any women on the show who were taller than the Hefner-clone Dudebag, even though his wealth and the structure of the show already give him all the power, would just be too scary for the other Dudebags in the audience:)
xttp://blogs.abc.com/livefromla/images/2008/03/25/bach1.jpg

This awful stereotype encompasses all women, even women like Zoe Cruz. Cruz was[4] the most powerful woman on wall street, the CFO of Morgan Stanley, and has a with net worth in the millions. Yet her equitable marriage to another high-end bank manager was viewed as "an anomaly". As if no one expected a multimillionaire woman to retain independence from another rich man:

xttp://nymag.com/news/business/46476/

So "trophy Wife" paints all young women with the same brush so long as they are in the dress code and happen to be standing next to an older man (be it fathers, friends, uncles, etc.). I'm sure Zoe Cruz has been viewed in that way, using the same stereotypes that I fell into when I started despising that old guy on the scooter. Ms. Cruz's father wouldn't deserve that enmity. And it is demeaning for a corporate titan like Cruz to be seen as dependent on or taken advantage of by any older man that she happens to be standing near.

The stereotype dismisses the ability of a woman to earn their own living based solely on her looks and the age of the men surrounding her. Meanwhile, the Hefner fuckers who ARE actually treating young women like slaves still manage to avoid any hint scrutiny, because there is no term or stereotype to tag them with, and "trophy wife" deflects attention away from them as well. This is a male privilege that is definitely getting added to the list right next to Hugh Hefner. As Okapi mentioned, the male privilege to wear outfits that don't say anything about you, all while aggressively judging woman's outfits and bodies around you whenever it is convenient, as mentioned by howlingmonkey.

-FM


[1] Although I swear that I wasn't making up the name "Tammy" as a straw stereotype. I've heard "Tammy" being used in Dudely business circles to describe the succession of young women that these awful guys take advantage of date or marry. I was at a high-end bar[2] in the financial district with my S.O., and a group of business Dudes nearby basically said, "Scott said he'd come once he gets away from his latest Tammy". At first I thought that it was some Dudebag making sexist sniping remarks towards a woman who was actually named Tammy. However, I've heard the same name at another high-end bar, this time from a group of business women, one of which said, "I hate the Tammys". Maybe it was coincidence, but it made me really suspicious since the connotation was similar to the nastiness we're describing here. "Tammy" seems to be a surrogate name used by these Dudebags when they don't want to bother to learn the real names of their buddy's dates, because they don't value them as individuals or people. It creeped the hell out of me.

[2] A high-end bar is one of those bars in the financial district that everyone who works in the area must go to, even though they typically charge $10 for a beer.

[3] And I've heard how bad the penalties are for not conforming to the Patriarchal dress code. My S.O. got ostracized at work by her coworkers for wearing flats and dress boots instead of stilettos. When her mom gave her stilettos as a surprise Christmas gift, and she decided to wear them to the office, her coworkers finally started complimenting her and talking to her.


[4] Only weeks after her amazing performance at Morgan Stanley gained her national media attention and the speculation that she would become the CEO one day. The misogynist and male-dominated board fired her. Thus adding her name to those who were bumped off the "most powerful woman on wall street" list before she could attempt to break the CEO glass ceiling. That is another issue that I will surely rant about later.

[F*ck M*sculinity]

I now have a list of 60 male privileges up on my blog:

xttp://themasculinemystique.blogspot.com/2008/06/list-of-50-male-privileges.html

I've cited everyone I could who commented in one form or another, and I plan to cite as many influences as I can once I continue. The next step is to blog about each privilege on the list. I plan to write a full description of how each privilege is crafted for men and denied to women, how each privilege strengthens men as a class and harms women (and in some cases, men[1] and society as well) and how all male privilege is ultimately derived from rape and violence against women. I plan to document the connections between male privileges in order to show how that men who use these privileges cannot be considered feminists, proponents of human rights, or good people.

For example, with something as seemingly innocuous as men's toys, I see the following connections:

Boys get a more expensive and a larger variety of gender-coded toys(#60) because all things are designed by men, for men(#47). Boys also have the freedom to be a child during heir childhood years(#40). Everything is designed by men because men dominate the design fields of science and engineering(#44). Men dominate these fields because they have transformed these fields into "men's clubs"(#25) through the harassment of women(#29) and through gate keeping that only allows men to rise to the top of the field(#28). Men also rose to the top of the field because they have the privilege to focus on their career(#42) while their married(#10) wives maintain the rest of the men's lives(#39). This is because marriage is defined to benefit men(#8-#11). Men enforce their definitions through Patriarchy: the strict domination of women(#2) using numerous social controls (#1-#60) that are ultimately enforced through violence(#4) and rape(#1).


If you have any comments, insights, and especially additions[3] or corrections to the list, please let me know! As a firm believer in the Principle of Intentions vs. Effects[2], I do not believe that a man can or should be the sole framer of male privilege (although I am happy to dedicate a large portion of my time to slog through the subject). I want this blog to become a useful tool for critiquing male privilege and explaining feminism to men, but I may have inadvertently pushed out some of the male privileges though the simple act of defining the list in the way that I have. This is not my intent, and if I have done so, please let me know.


[1] By definition, the consequences for men are not nearly as horrible as they are for women, but consequences do exist, occasionally.

[2] The principle dictates that, as a privileged person, my intentions do not define the value of my actions. Rather the effect my actions have on other people  decides the value of my actions, and those who are wronged by my actions get to name the wrongs, and get to define how to redress the damage from my actions. See: xttp://www.menstoppingviolence.org/LearnMore/articles/TheLieOfEntitlement.pdf

[3]More privileges is always better. And privileges that are specific subsets of things already on this list is welcome.

[Lilithc7]

ouch, my only suggestion is to change the color scheme. It hurts my eyes to read  white against black. Also, the text is really tiny on my small laptop monitor, I have to put my face up to the  screen to read it.

[wiggles]

I like and agree with your list, and I have a couple suggestions.
For one, I'd try to make it more coherent by linking one privilege into the next -  for instance you have how men's value as humans isn't linked to their sex appeal, leading into men's ability to wear more comfortable clothes and shoes that don't deform their feet, to their not being expected to spend money and time on cosmetics and elaborate beauty regimens in order to be socially acceptable, to men's activities not being generally written off as frivolous and superficial, to men automatically being taken more seriously and given the benefit of the doubt, etcetera. Any place where you discover you've repeated yourself, just delete that privilege from your list and insert another one; you'll think of more privileges pretty easily as you need to, I bet.
I'd also elaborate and cite examples wherever you can, particularly if you have a goal of trying to convince anti-feminist men that they have a disproportionate amount of privilege in relation to women.  When your blog builds a readership, you're going to get some MRA concern trolls, and you're going to want to cut their arguments short as preemptively as possible.